Dude Seriously?
by madamwolf
Summary: Kelso thinks Hyde is a vampire the gang thinks he's being an idiot. Just how right is he? And what's that red stuff on Hyde's shirt?


**AN:** So my first That 70's Show fic, never thought I'd be writing one but my muse threw this idea in my head so I had to write it out. As you all know Halloween is just around the corner so all the horror movies are getting thrown out there and Dracula 2000 happen to be among them. I've seen the movie before but I decided to watch it again and while watching it I realized Danny Masterson was in it, I totally forgot about that. So thus this little idea was born. Not a crossover just merely where I got the thought from.

**Timeline:** I have no idea, but I have an Eric/Donna Jackie/Kelso thing goin' on so whatever…

**Disclaimer**: I've tried, beleive me I have but alas I still do not have ownership of Hyde or anything That 70's Show related. So if you intend to sue me you can try but you'll probably only get some boots... I own a lotta boots...

Dude… A Vampire?

It was another boring Saturday as usual, the gang sat in Eric's basement watching TV lazily sitting in their respective seats. Halloween was only two days away which meant all the typical old horror movies were playing and at the moment it happen to be Dracula, the old black and white version. Kelso appeared to be the only one who was genuinely enjoying the movie. He was leaning forward in anticipation and bouncing in his seat. The rest of the gang watched it dolefully; it was merely something to pass the time with.

Every now and then Kelso would gasp and pull back only to move forward once again to watch, this got rather annoying, even to the point where Hyde threw a pillow at his head causing him to fall over.

"Jeez c'mon Hyde! We gotta watch this type of stuff, I mean, ya know what if vampires come out on Halloween how else are we gonna learn to defend ourselves?" He cried standing up and motioning to the movie wildly with his hands.

Hyde scoffed. "Vampires?"

"Um, Kelso," Eric began raising his eyebrows. "You do know that vampires aren't real."

He snorted and shook his head. "Yeah well if they're not real where'd they get all the ideas for these movies from?"

Eric paused and stared at him. "No, that's right you do have a point there." He said and Donna suppressed her laughter from beside him.

"So Michael," Jackie said with a smile. "Are you gonna protect me from the vampires?"

He snorted but then noticed the look on his face. "I mean, uh, yeah! Garlic and…" he trailed off not knowing what else to say. "See this is why we need to watch the movie!"

Fez was the only one who noticed Hyde shake his head faintly at the mention of garlic repelling vampires. "Garlic does not repel them?"

Hyde looked up to see the foreigner looking at him curiously.

"Yeah it does," Donna clarified with a furrowed brow at Fez's question since she hadn't noticed Hyde's silent objection. "Garlic, crosses, holy water, sunlight, stakes, all that stuff works or it's supposed to in the movies and stuff."

He shook his head. "Not according to Hyde."

"So what?" Eric asked sitting up finding this much more interesting then the movie. "You're Mr. Oh-So-Powerful-Vampire-Slayer-Anti-Garlic-Guy now?"

"No." He said stiffly.

"Oh yes, he was very insistent on disagreeing with you."

"Shut up, Fez!" He cried threateningly.

"Or you'll what? Put a stake in me?" He asked and then laughed at his own joke.

Hyde glared and turned his head away.

"Why are you so defensive?" Donna asked still grinning. "Are you afraid we'll kill the vampires wrong?"

He didn't meet her gaze.

"Oh my God he totally is." Kelso laughed and pointed at him. "Little Hyde the Vampire Slayer is scared we're all gonna get bitten by the mean vampires!"

He was barley able to get the words out before Hyde shot up and tackled him making them both fall behind the couch. Kelso's hysteric screams were heard before he shouted: "Ow! My eye!" and Hyde got up casually moving back over to his seat while adjusting his sunglasses.

"Oh," Jackie said meeting with Kelso as he hopped back on the couch. "Are you okay?"

"Hyde! Man, why do you always go after the eye?" He shouted clutching his face with his hand. "Now I need ice." Fez, who was over by the freezer getting himself an ice pop despite the cooling weather, took out a bag of peas and chucked them to him who caught it and slapped them over his eye. "Now I have to walk around on Halloween with a black eye."

"You can always make it part of your costume." Donna offered.

Hyde sighed. They were off the vampire topic, beating Kelso up was the smartest move he had made all day. However all the excitement had made him hungry he hadn't eaten in almost five days and he didn't mean food. He nonchalantly got up from the chair and sauntered over to his room in the back of the basement.

"Hey, man, where're you going?"

Dammit Eric, Hyde cursed in his head. "Just to my room, I gotta do something."

"He's gonna make sure the wooden stakes are in place for Halloween." Kelso joked but flinched away when it looked like Hyde might come after him again. "I'm only kidding!"

"Yeah, what's got you so wound up tonight?" Eric asked.

"Nothing." He insisted and made his way toward the back, the group all remained silent until they heard the door close.

"Okay so something is defiantly wrong with him." Donna said sounding sincerely concerned. "I know he always like that but he's acting weirder then usual."

"Maybe he just doesn't like Halloween?" Fez suggested. "Though I can't see what's not to like about it you go to strangers and they give you free candy. I mean who doesn't like free candy!"

Jackie agreed with this theory. "He was probably too poor to buy a costume and no one would give him candy." She said without a shred of sympathy.

"No…" Eric mused. "He went with me, like, every year until we stopped. He always seemed to like it."

Kelso shot up and dropped the bag of peas. "Or maybe!" He stressed. "He really is a vampire slayer and he really is scared about the vampires because he knows something that we don't know! Or, oh, he is a vampire and he's planning something and we're getting too close to the truth."

"Michael," Jackie grunted and pulled him back down to the couch. "Vampires aren't real, let alone slayers."

"You don't know that, have you actually ever gone looking for one? I'll bet if we popped in on Hyde right now we'd find him bent over a bunch of stakes and crosses! Or drinking blood!" He cried and jumped over the back of the couch to stalk off to Hyde's bedroom.

"Kelso!" They all cried and followed him. Some more eager then others.

"Michael get back here, you don't know what he could be doing in there!" Jackie said.

But it was too late Kelso whipped open the door to find Hyde standing in the threshold glaring at him.

"Jeez!" Kelso nearly fell over in surprise. "Hyde! What the hell?"

"How'd you know he was coming?" Eric asked.

He scoffed. "The walls man, they're paper thin and you guys aren't exactly quiet." He lied as he stepped out of the room and over to his chair to once again sit down.

"What were you doing in there?" Donna asked.

Jackie waved it off. "Who cares? It was probably something stupid."

"Why do you care what I was doing?" He ignored Jackie.

Donna shrugged, trying to think of how to bring up the subject. "You've been acting a little weird and I know for one I'm starting to get worried."

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." He said slouching down in the chair and putting his foot up on the spool in the middle of the room that served as the table.

"Hey, what's that?" Eric asked narrowing his eyes at something staining Hyde's shirt, it hadn't been there two minutes ago when he left. "Looks like…blood."

Hiding the panic he looked down and sure enough of his white band shirt there sat a short line of red blood. He bit his lip, he must have spilled some in his rush to hid it once he found out that Kelso was gonna try and catch him. "That's what it looks like." He agreed.

"Well what happened?"

"Cut myself." He replied readily.

"How? That wasn't there before."

Hyde blinked for a moment in thought but before he could say anything Kelso interrupted once more. "I knew it! He's a vampire! Everyone grab your children and flee the area! I'll take care of this."

Hyde's eyes widened ever so slightly before his face became neutral once more. "No, Kelso, I'm not." He said carefully as if speaking to a small child.

"I'll go alert the authorities!" He screamed and bounded up the stairs.

Jackie was about to jump after him but then changed her mind and dropped back down.

"Should someone go after him?" Fez asked slowly.

Jackie shook her head. "He'll find a pack of dogs on the way and get distracted."

"So, really, how'd you get cut? And where?" Eric asked still eyeing the blood; he had to admit it was in a suspicious spot. It was on the left side of his chest and looked like it dripped from somewhere, but where? His chin?

"Nose bleed." He admitted trying to come up with a believable story on the spot. "Kelso must have clipped me when I pushed him over the couch."

Donna looked shocked but she smiled making Hyde grin internally they believed him. "Kelso actually managed to make you bleed? Looks like you're not so tough after all."

"Don't think too much of it." He defended his toughness. "It's been ten years since he's been able to make me bleed like that, and I for one have to say it's about time. "

"You should've told us you got a nose bleed." Donna scolded. "We could've helped."

"And done what?" He shrugged. "Besides, it wasn't that bad." He turned back to the TV and continued to watch the movie which was still playing.

There was a silence in the basement for a minute or so before they heard the door at the top of the stairs slam open, it was a good thing Kitty and Red weren't home. They saw Kelso run down with something in his hand, Hyde didn't realize exactly what it was until it was too late. He gasped when the cold metal pressed against his neck.

"Dammit Kelso!" Hyde screamed as he jumped up from the chair, the left side of his neck smoking from the silver bladed knife found in Kitty's good silverware. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Kelso!" Almost every occupant in the room screamed, thinking Hyde was cut rather then burned.

"I told you! He is a vampire!" Kelso screamed holding up the silver knife. "Look, he's burning and I covered this thing in garlic."

Hyde's face was turned away and his head was down, his hand clasped over the wound on his neck, it wasn't the garlic that had hurt him.

"Hyde…" Eric asked carefully walking over to him as Fez and Donna stood between them, Jackie remained on the couch mortified. "You alright, man? Lemmie see your neck, my mom's a nurse, she taught me a thing or two."

"You couldn't let it go Kelso." He literally growled making Eric take a step back. After a couple heavy breaths he turned around exposing blood red eyes and enlarged fangs pushing past his lips. "Do you know how much silver hurts?" He asked finally taking his hand away from the burn and gazing at the blood.

"Hyde?" Eric asked quietly backing away with the rest of the gang.

"What?" He irritably asked still looking at his hand and tenderly touching the burn and then finally bringing his eyes up to meet theirs. "Guys…?" he took a step forward and they all instinctively took a step back. "Guys I – I'm not gonna like kill you or anything."

"You're a vampire." Donna stated still staring at him not having the power to take her eyes away.

Hyde looked uncomfortable and shifted under their eyes. "Yup." He said with a shrug.

"Are you going to eat us?" Fez asked timidly.

Hyde rolled his eyes and once again tried to approach his friends, they didn't let him get any closer. "I don't eat people." He turned away and rubbed his head trying to think of the best course of action.

"So, uh," Eric said trying to be the brave one and took a step toward his long time best friend. "When did all this happen?"

"Almost three years ago." He responded rubbing the back of his neck and turning around, they could see now his eyes were no longer red in his surprise and initial anger, but now a pale blue with his black pupils standing prominently, the fangs were also noticeably shrinking. "So as you can see if I were to kill you it would've happened already."

"But..." Kelso looked confused, this wasn't what he expected. "You've been in the sun, you've gone to school, I've seen you eat food, garlic none the less! I don't get it!"

Hyde looked around. "Could we at least sit down? All this standing is making me nervous." He said plopping down hard on his chair and leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Fez was the first to speak after they all took their respective seats, still straying away from Hyde. "I have seen many American movies, and due to what I have seen in them we should have noticed something by now, so first things first," they could of sworn he was about to say candy. "Sunlight."

"What about it?"

"You can obviously walk in it!" He cried.

"Yeah and you're not pale or anything." Jackie said. "Or I mean not pasty pale, you're still pretty pale, you're non-rich pale. Besides being a vampire gives you an excuse to wear those ugly sunglasses outside and in."

"I'm dead," he stated bluntly. "My blood does not circulate through my veins but idea of vamps and sunlight is a myth made up by authors and the media. As you've noticed I can walk in the day just as easily as you can. And the shades, man, they're just cool."

"What about food?" Donna asked, they seemed to getting more comfortable around him since he wasn't trying to rip their throats out.

"I can eat, I just don't digest it. I still like the taste."

"How can you of eaten for almost three years and not have digested any of the food?" Eric asked.

Hyde looked almost sheepish. "Well see… I may not be able to digest but my gag reflex works just fine."

"You throw up?" Jackie cried, disgusted.

He held his hands up in defense. "Hey, I'm dead it doesn't affect me in the least bit, besides I found my healing abilities are far more advanced then yours." He fingered the wound on his neck which now looked a week old.

Kelso laughed when he saw it. "Dude, awesome! Can I do it again?"

"No," Hyde pushed him and the silver knife away in an annoyed manor.

"Speaking of the silver," Eric began. "I thought that was for werewolves, not vampires."

He shrugged. "That one kinda depends, see all werewolves are allergic to silver that just comes with the deal but with vampires it's like when you get bit you become unique to yourself, sorta like a no vamp has the exact same traits kinda thing. Personally I happen to become allergic to silver, lucky me."

"Did you gain anything?" Fez asked.

Hyde paused and looked at him, Fez noticeably became uneasy and he regretted glaring at him so. "Listen, you guys are my friends, right? This isn't changing anything?"

"Of course not," Eric rapidly replied. "Why so worried all of a sudden."

"In the past people have been able to use a vampire's weakness and strength against them… to kill them. So I just gotta know that you're not gonna go out spreading my strengths and weaknesses to people who could do me in, you found out about the silver thing by accident but I'm not sure if I should tell you the rest."

"C'mon Hyde, we're you're friends or most of us," Donna said and glanced up at Jackie who was sitting on the arm of the chair and looking offended. "You can trust us, I've known you since we were kids okay? This isn't changing a thing, besides even if we did get mad at you who'd believe us?"

"You'd be surprised." His now natural blue eyes shifted around to the others in the room. "But, as long as you guys don't go yappin' your gums about it, it won't be a problem and if you do decide I can make your lives a living hell."

They all stared at him fearfully.

"No, I'm just kidding I wouldn't do that, or would I?"

"Hyde, stop being an ass and just tell us." Eric cried in a high pitched whinny voice.

He laughed and nodded. "Alright, jeez no need to wig out, I can eh," he grinned mischievously. "Well see I have the ability to influence people, particularly the ladies." He smiled.

"Seriously?" Kelso asked suddenly intrigued. "Do it, man, do it!"

Hyde shifted once again. "I don't wanna." The thought of doing it to either Donna or Jackie was tempting… he could make Jackie stop talking. But even he had his limits; a couple years ago maybe he would have used it on Donna at least, but not now.

"Oh c'mon you won't do anything, right? It won't hurt?" Donna asked and she got up to walk over to him. "I trust you, do it." She held up her finger to stop from. "But don't get all pervy with it!"

He gave a short nod. "Don't worry I won't, besides Kelso still has that knife." He smiled bitterly at his friend who was indeed still holding the silver butter knife. "Alright, just stand there and look at me," he stood up and faced Donna and gazed into her eyes and in turn she stared at his. After a few seconds her folded arms fell down to her sides and she slouched, she was much more relaxed. The gang noticed how the color of his eyes turned to the pale blue almost white color they had been earlier. Their faces were only inches apart after a minute of this and she was in a complete trance.

"Dude, as cool as I think this newfound ability is… that's my girlfriend so…" Eric trailed off.

"Right," he blinked and looked away. "Sorry, man." At that moment Donna was released and she nearly collapsed if Hyde hadn't caught her.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed and stumbled drunkenly back over to the couch. "That was so weird."

"What did you do?" Fez asked.

"Bent her to my will, she would've done anything if I asked." He responded still grinning. "Anything."

Kelso laughed with him and they high fived. "So, anything else cool you've been keeping from us? You immortal now?"

He shook his head. "I don't think so, it's been almost three years and as far as I can tell I'm still aging. It's the same deal with the traits thing, some vamps can live for hundreds of years, some live out their normal life span and in the rare case some die within weeks."

"So you could die next week?"

He shook his head. "If I hadn't died by now I'm pretty sure I'm good to go for a while but I won't know how long I live until I… die. But other then that," he propped his foot up on the spool once more. "It's the usual, strength, eyesight, smell…"

"Wait!" Kelso cried. "Do you drink blood?"

Hyde paused. "Yeah, is that weird?"

No one said anything until Jackie of course. "Ew! Yeah, it is!"

"How often?" Eric asked. "That's what you did in there, right? You drank blood, oh my God, dude, do you like kill people and drain them?"

Hyde appeared offended. "No, some do, not me, I told you that. I take a stop at the butcher a couple times a month, I only have to feed once a week, I have about two weeks I can go before I starve, but apparently I won't die I'll just… I don't really know and I'm not to keen on figuring it out. So you guys are cool with this?"

"Are you kidding? This is the coolest thing ever!" Kelso responded pacing around the room, the knife now sitting on the washing machine. "Okay, you!" He pointed at Hyde. "We're going outside now I gotta see something."

Hyde got up and casually followed the hyper excited Kelso out the door behind them the rest of the gang followed curiously. They couldn't find him initially but it didn't take Hyde long to track him down and they soon discovered him standing in the driveway with the basketball.

"Do something cool!" He threw him the ball.

He looked at the ball in his hands dumbfounded. "What? No way, I'm not gonna do tricks like a dog." He bounced the ball back at him.

"Aw, dude, come on." He moaned and bounced it back. "You owe me after giving me a black eye."

"I don't owe you, if anything you owe me for burning me." He bounced it back.

"Hyde, don't be an ass," Donna said taking the ball and tossing it back to him. "Just do one thing."

"Like what?" He asked looking down at the ball.

"I don't care what you do," Eric began. "As long as you don't damage it, it's my only one and Red would kill me if I tried to bum money off him for a new one."

"Make a kick ass basket." Fez suggested from the back.

It occurred to Hyde that he had no chance on winning this and bounced the basket ball a few times on the pavement. "What do you expect me to do? Fly up there and slam dunk it?"

"That would awesome!" Cried Kelso as he trembled in anticipation

"Well I can't fly."

"Do something," Eric moaned glancing down at his watch. "It's getting late and I don't know when Red and Kitty are coming home. I don't know about you but I don't exactly want them rolling up the driveway to see you in the middle of middle of pulling off some…"

He stopped talking when he saw Hyde walk to the opposite end of the yard with the ball in his hands. "You wanna see something cool?" He called and bounced the ball a couple times on the grass. "How's this?" He bought his hand back and threw the ball directly at the backboard it was a dead on hit and it bounced back at him he leapt in the air and intercepted it about half way and stayed in the air for the next fifteen feet until he reached the backboard and dunked it.

When he dropped back to the ground and turned to the gang they were gaping at him.

"Do it again!" Kelso cried chucking the ball back at him.

"No, man." He didn't throw it back though he bounced it a few times. "C'mon let's play a game."

"That would be unfair, you totally have an advantage." Donna laughed while Jackie rolled her eyes and walked over to the Vista Cruiser to sit on the hood, she wasn't at all interested in a basketball game.

"Besides, the Cruiser's in the driveway, it's not parked far enough away. What if the ball hits it?" Eric said looking over to his car.

"I'll catch it," Hyde assured and tossed the ball to him. "Besides, I've been this way over two years and you guy's haven't noticed a thing. I've never used it to my advantage before but I just might now since you know." He grinned.

Eric returned the grin, anxious to take on a vampire in a game of basketball. "Bring it."

With that he ran forward jumped on Hyde's back, much to his surprise, to get some height for the shot he was trying to make. Hyde laughed and tried to get him off and in the process fell to the ground as the ball reached Kelso and Fez who tag teamed for a shot.

* * *

**AN:** That was longer then I anticipated, and in writing the whole silver part I got the urge to change it into a werewolf story… so there is a possibility of an alternate version but with vampire replaced by werewolf. If you happen to be a werewolf fan and are interested tell me and I'll write it and post it as a second chapter, it'll be essentially the same story but ya know that little difference. As you can see I took a creative license with vampires but hey whatever.

Review and Happy Halloween!


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